


Necessary Distance

by Willow_River



Series: Ashe's Journal [2]
Category: Thrilling Intent (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Diary/Journal, Fear, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 10:34:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5087380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willow_River/pseuds/Willow_River
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look into what might have been going through Ashe's mind after the group defeated Lord Pyrethum, the phobiast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Necessary Distance

I’m scared. More than that, though, I feel extremely unsettled. I’ve been avoiding the subject for so long, and now I’ve suddenly been forced to look it straight on.

That creature — a phobiast, Gregor called it — it found what I fear most so easily. There’s a strange feeling when you’re suddenly staring at yourself but there aren’t any mirrors around. Chilling, I think would be the best word to describe it. It was a perfect copy of me, only not. I could feel it even from where I was standing, the other me’s emptiness.

And then, before it could even open its eyes, Gregor killed it. He didn’t even hesitate. I… I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that still. At first I was in shock, terrified. Gregor was my friend, but his blade was so quick to strike down what he deemed to be a monster, even if it looked like me. If I were to become empty like that, a hollow-shelled facsimile of my former self, would he strike me down as quickly? He didn’t show any remorse.

I can feel it sometimes when I use that power. Emptiness creeping over me, threatening to steal me away from myself, replace me. How would they react if that were to happen? Would they feel sad? Or would they fight me? Would they even notice? I know I haven’t been the most open with them about how I feel. But how do I even tell them about this?

They don’t seem to know that it was my fear the phobiast replicated. Markus seems a little suspicious, but if he’s figured it out, he hasn’t said anything. Gregor and Kyr seem to be as oblivious as ever. That’s probably for the best. I don’t want them to know why I’m so afraid. If they did… they’ll probably hate me.

I need more time to think. All this… I’ve realized that I’ve been running away from my problems. I don’t even know why I left Meathe, when it boils down to it, or what that means for me. What that means about me. Just what kind of a person am I, anyway? This is something I should know, but I don’t.

I think… Everything moves too fast when I’m around them. I need to slow down and think, take some time to myself. More than this. It’s not fair to them when I just keep shoving these things down until I explode at them over the smallest things. I’m so angry lately. I don’t want to be. I need to calm down.

Now, how am I going to tell them?


End file.
